Partnership Educators,
The young man and his wife to be, sat in the empty room waiting on the next step to marital paradise. They talk about the tasks yet to be accomplished and about the relatives or friends who were or weren't coming to the gathering in a few months. Awkward pauses and the forced laughter tell the outward story of the anxiousness building inside of them both. Ticking sounds fill the room as the ancient clock continues the march of time.
Suddenly, the door opens and a short portly man begins to make his way towards the chair behind the desk but not before stopping for hugs and small talk about the excitement of the event to come. Resting neatly into the chair, the pastor leans forward and places his elbows on the desk. Intertwining his fingers he places his chin on top of his hands and with a smile stares in silence at the couple.
Pastor John was a kind man who had a laugh that filled a room. His large mustache gave you visions of Rollie Fingers and his plumb cheeks reminded you of Santa. He was a quiet man whose wise listening often helped him to add value to any conversation while avoiding the white noise of speaking so often used by people in positions such as his. After, what seemed like a prolonged period, the pastor began with a question. “What expectations do you have for each other?”
The couple stare at their inquisitor with wanting eyes not knowing how to respond. What does a nineteen-year-old know about expectations anyway? Finally, after many uncomfortable glances, both respond unanimously, “Nothing.”
Chris Argyris, a former professor at Harvard, developed what is called the Ladder of Inference. Peter Senge in his book, The Fifth Discipline: The Art and Practice of the Learning Organization, highlighted this mental process as well. This mental routine, that we all do, describes the progressive process of making observations, gathering information, making assumptions, and deciding actions. The main basis of the theory is that we experience the reality and facts on the first part of the ladder through our own beliefs. To state it another way, we see the facts based on what we already think is true. Then we start up the ladder through that lens. Many times, it brings us to distorted actions at the end. Mainly because the assumptions made along the way are based on the beliefs we had before gathering the facts. This effectively narrows our field of judgment. Our ways of understanding and acting in the world create a self-reinforcing system, insulating us from alternative ways of understanding.
As many of you have guessed, the couple from above is my wife and I. This event was over 36 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday. To be transparent, I have made many mistakes along this path of marriage and I feel lucky to have a wife with such great patience and love. What Pastor John shared that day is that we all have expectations of each other unconsciously. We expect our spouse to keep a job maybe or to take out the garbage. His point was that we need to be aware of what we expect of others and how that distorts our view of the other person’s actions. We place our views on what others are doing and judge them for it.
Thank you, partnership educators, for looking for true understanding and for working on continual improvement. The Ladder of Inference is meant to be a tool to make sure you are analyzing your thinking all along the way so you are not letting your own bias get in the way. Thanks for taking different perspectives on how to help all of our students.
https://youtu.be/K9nFhs5W8o8
Rob
Superintendent
Redding Elementary School District
New Millennium Partnership
5885 East Bonnyview Rd.
Redding, Ca 96001